I Gained Great Insight Last Night

Last night as I was riding my bicycle home from a pleasant dinner party I gained new insight into my life.  A Jeep Cherokee speeding by me on Olive street let me in on a little secret that it seems I would have known about myself but apparently didn't - that I'm a faggot. 

I've always found myself attracted to the fairer sex and have even dated a few of them with pretty good success.  So you can imagine how much it took me by surprise to learn that not only I, but apparently all bicyclists are faggots.  According to this speeding prophet who was so excited to share his news, stuck his whole head out the passenger window to inform me that, "Only faggots ride bikes!" 

I was quite taken aback by this news as it means not only am I a faggot, but apparently all the people I've been hanging around with lately.  Now I'm a pretty sensitive guy when it comes to peoples life choices and I thought I had a pretty good sense of who people are but this new information has proved me wrong.  I have some friends who I'd have never guessed were faggots.  But, according to the wise man in the Jeep on Olive street those friends of mine are all just faggots. 

So in conclusion I welcome all the faggots in the land to stand up, quit being shy of your faggotness and let the world know just how faggoty you are.  And that you're proud to be a faggot.  Long live faggots! 

18 comments:

Stevo Kinevo said...

How ironic, because when I used to own a Jeep Cherokee, I always avoided Olive Street, because I was told that only the most homosexual of homosexuals drove Jeep Cherokees on Olive. (Not that there's anything wrong with that) Maybe he wanted to cuddle with you.

Sara said...

Ah, I was waiting for, "...and let the world know just how faggoty you are - get out there and ride a bike!"

:)

Singletrack Mind said...

Ok, well, it's out there now. Sam, Steve, John, Seth, Ruben, Tom, Alex, Sten, get all the other homos together. Roman Bath party at my place.

Capt. E said...

Weeooow. I am really confused now. So your telling me that I am not only a faggot but, my wife is a faggot too? Wait till Mrs E hears this! I bet she didn't even know!

sEthanol said...

Wow. Maybe Mrs. sEthanol (Isopropyl-sEthanol?) and Lady E should get a tandem.

Captain Oveur said...

Joey, Have you ever been to a Turkish prison?

Chris Pohl said...

If sometimes I ride a bike and sometimes I drive, does that make me bi? Or just curious?

Stevo Kinevo said...

This new lifestyle is tough, I never knew how tough (and cold!) it was to ride a bike in leather pants!

Singletrack Mind said...

That mustache suits you though.

s10.witmer said...

Roman Baths, count me in. Only if its steamy. Funny though, how often I catch similar shit from people riding in warm cars. (curiously, mostly when i'm not riding like an asshole). Is it OK to "lose control" of said faggot mobile and ghost it into the side of inherently hetero truck at the next signal light? Just wonderin.

Singletrack Mind said...

I've "knocked" on a couple windows before...

samh said...

I wanted to more than "knock" on the window of said Jeep Cherokee I'll tell you what. It certainly made me wish I had one of those Ulocks y'all carry 'cause it would've been the perfect tool to introduce the fury of this faggot to the rear window of that damn automobile.

samh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ty said...

I've actually had them throw LIT cigarettes at me while riding down 19th street. White Jeep Cherokee, wonder if there is a connection? I also had a guy yell "FUCKING HIPPIES" and throw a rock at me about 2 years ago on Lincoln street (right in front of Roskie Hall) from a lifted small penis pickup. Had he hit me I don't know what his plan was...

samh said...

A "hippie"? Is that kind of like a "faggot"?

Bangtail Bikes said...

Do you like movies about Gladiators?

Jason Karp said...

I'm married with two kids and I've never had sex with a man...I didn't know I was so conflicted until somebody called me a fag as I was out riding somewhere. I'm glad they set me "strait".

samh said...

Little did you know, Jason.

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